BITCHING is just a Writing game~! : BITCHY POETRY

 Here are the 2 versions of my own bitchy poetry! Though to a certain extent, I would like to give a disclaimer that these were written during my college years and I claim every right to them!!


A sense of humor is a must if you are to read these! And ye, I did base them from true to life characters, but please don't quote me on these! I'll just probably deny it haha!!

     

    Nasty Girl

Eeew You totally freaky bitch!

You definitely are a disgusting witch

My dear, I really need to pray for you
      Before your lips, from smooching, turn an icky hue

      I hate the way you menacingly stare

And to confront me, don’t you even dare

To you I may be a nobody or a classless 

“Plain Jane”

      But at least I’m not reckless and insane

My gosh! You really love intrigues and havoc

I wonder, In which planet do you walk?

Hey there Girl! Get a Life!

Don’t you ever tire with all that strife?

You may be nothing to me but trash

And I don’t really care about your cash

But for all of humanity’s sake

Stop being a completely lousy fake

Try not to be mean, bitchy and cruel

If not, then let’s have a simple duel

And I ought to teach you a lesson or two

 For instance, by turning your eye black or blue!

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                                                                                You laugh at people's make-up

                                                                                Though their looks have better scores

                                                                                  If you think you’re pretty: Wake-up!

                                                                                        Look in the mirror! You look like a horse

The truth absolutely hurts

My dog seems better looking than you

Coz it doesn’t seem like a washed-up flirt

Who wears lipstick that’s color Blue!

Fashion was Never a Crime!

Looking vogue is so sassy

Sadly, you look like trashy slime

Who thinks her ass looks classy

I’ll spare the facts of your dingy features

I won’t try to mess with your (ahem) hair?

It’s amazing how you can destroy a picture

With your pose and your horse-like flair!

Ever heard that some decency rocks?

And Vanity is a tad bit stinky

So dump your style that sucks
Or forever be a mutated-ninny!

BLAIR BITCH PROJECT!! : INSPIRATION

My Hiatus has come to an end

The Blairbitch strikes again!

Prepare to wreak more havoc

With a bit of ink and pen

In High School, I chanced upon  Chinie Hidalgo’s  “The Blair Bitch Returns: Another Book of Bitchy Poetry", which if you asked me, became the bible for my "bitching game" with an ink and pen and in college...earned me my 1,423 minutes of fame. 

Go back in time when you were an awkward, gawky, issue-laden, troubled teenager who couldn't stand out and speak up and yet you had a million things to say. Even more, think of the many times you yearned for self-expression and how much you'd want to have a rap session with that (insert derogatory term for a female here) and all you have is your imagination, a notebook, and a pen! What would you say?

Majority of my inspiration comes from this book (Which I still love to bits!) and has inspired me to write my own versions of "bitchy poetry". I also have read her first book, The BlairBitch project (unfortunately I don't have a copy of it since it sold so fast!!)

Below are some of favorites which I scanned from the book and made me think of those mean girls in high school, as well as the random weirdos we meet in everyday life~!!  

On my next blog, I shall post my very own versions of bitchy poetry!!

 

NOUVEAU RICH BITCH!

 

It takes a certain caliber

Of person to achieve

The kind of bitch status

People see fit to believe.

I’m sorry, you don’t make the grade,

You’ll never be a bitch.

For one, you’re not that witty;

Number two, you’re nouveau rich.

You can’t make caustic comments

And expect them to ring true

When the person that you criticize

Is better dressed than you.

And if you’re planning to attempt

At dry and subtle wit,

Then brush up on the diction first

Or else admit “defitt.”

You see, it’s very simple, dear.

A bitch should have it all.

And there are things, like breeding,

That you can’t buy at the mall.

So give it up while you’re ahead,

Your efforts make me scoff.

You try too hard, just stop beofre

You really piss me off.